The Four Stages

There are four stages to culture shock and living abroad...

1) The honeymoon stage

Symptoms of the honeymoon stage:

-Excitement and euphoria
-General anticipation of everything that you are about to experience
-Everything and everyone you encounter is new and many times exciting
-You’ll probably be eager to learn the language spoken in your host country During the honeymoon stage you will be poised to take on the challenges of living broad.

Examples of my honeymoon stage:
Grim Reminder of Home
Diamond in the Rough

2) Frustration Stage

After the honeymoon stage your initial excitement may wane. You also may start to feel frustration; this is the onset of the frustration stage. Frustration can occur for various reasons.

Symptoms of the frustration stage:

-Some of your initial excitement dissipates
-Feelings of anxiety, anger and homesickness creep in
-You might reject your new environment and begin to have a lack of interest in your new surroundings
-You’ll become frustrated with trying to speak a foreign language

Examples of my frustration stage:

The Irony of the Peacline
The Day After
No Cake
Royal Mail vs. USPS
What I Miss About San Francisco

3) Understanding Stage

The understanding stage arrives when you develop a more balanced view of your experience abroad.

Characteristics of the understanding stage

-You become more familiar with the culture, people, food and language of your host country
-You will have made friends
-You become less homesick
-You’ll be more comfortable with speaking and listening to the language spoken in your host country
-You become more comfortable and relaxed in your new environment
-You better handle the situations you previously found frustrating

I think I have reached the Understanding Stage. I have been thinking about where Craig and I should move permanently. I know before I wanted us to live in San Francisco but then I've got to thinking about how we will both benefit for our future and what is best for us and our family in the long run (socially, financially, etc). I have been weighing the pros and cons between the UK and America. I realize it is inconvenient here, but people have seemed to survive without satiating their sundae cravings at 2am when everything is closed. I mean do I really need a sundae at that hour? Don't think so. Yes, the royal mail drives me up the wall, but in reality, I wouldn't be dealing with them on a daily basis. My statement, "You are not allowed to get sick after 5:30PM and Sundays because the pharmacy is closed." As I think about it, it can wait until tomorrow when the pharmacy is open, if it can't then you can go to the ER. It's free ANYWAY!!!! Well not exactly free, you pay health tax but at least you won't be charged $200 just for walking through the doors of the ER, and whatever they add on the tab like lab tests/xrays as they do in America. These are little things I have mentioned (healthcare isn't exactly little), and I can easily get over it.

So...I am vascillating and can't make up my mind. The pros and cons are still circling in my head. I haven't been sleeping well for the past few days because there is too much on my mind. Thinking about the aforementioned, counting down the days when I have to leave my soulmate for a long while, and prepping/researching the visa process in both countries. I feel so overwhelmed.

But I digress. I almost forgot about the last stage...

4) Acclimation Stage

During the acclimation stage you will begin to feel like you really belong in your new environment.

Characteristics of the acclimation stage

-You’ll be able to compare the good and bad of your host country with the good and bad of your home country
-You feel less like a foreigner and more like your host country is your second home
-You laugh about things that frustrated you at earlier stages of cultural shock
-Once you reach the acclimation, you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that you -can live successfully in two cultures; this is a huge milestone.

Obviously, I haven't gotten to this stage yet and I won't be here long enough to experience this stage. Maybe someday perhaps. ;)

Lethargic

Just five minutes ago, I could see blue skies and the sun peering through the clouds. But alas, I knew it wouldn't last too long. The dark clouds were looming in near the distance.

It's seems like it has been forever since I have seen the sun. For the past few days it has been gray, miserable, and raining. I am not used to so much rain in the summer. Being a Californian, where we are spoiled by the weather with sun most of the year, I fear the rain and stay indoors. For Californians, the rain is an excuse to lounge around and be lethargic. I don't mind. It gives me time to reflect about my life and where I think it should be headed.

Lately, I have been thinking about this little experiment Craig and I have got going here. In the beginning, I feared the unknown and full of anxiety. I was afraid that it would fizzle out in no time especially what we've been through in such a short span of time.

Craig is constantly proving me wrong with the little things. For example, everytime he goes down to the kitchen he always brings back two cups of tea or glasses of lemonade. Just yesterday, he brought me a bottle of milkshake because days before I mentioned that I was in the mood for milkshake. I didn't even ask for it. It was in his mind and he just got it for me. He goes for a bottle of milk from the corner store and he surprises me with roses. He certainly is a trooper when I go out shopping, never loses patience and gives me constructive feedback when clearly he isn't interested in subjects like home decor. Or when he comes home from work exhausted, and finds me in bed sick like I am today, he brings me a cup of tea and picks up the slack where I left off: he does the laundry and cooks me dinner, the only dish he knows how to do perfectly...French Toast!

It's these little things that remind me of the relationship my parents have. My father dotes on my mother, he loves her so much and it just makes me wonder how much Craig loves me. Sometimes I watch him sleep, he probably knows since one eye peers open and closes shut. He reaches over under the covers and holds my hand.

It goes to show that he is anything but lethargic about our relationship.

A Grim Reminder of Home

I went to the post office today to pick up a parcel. Instead of the usual goodies my parents send me while I'm abroad, I get a stack of work related letters and bills. The letters from work immediately gave me feelings of anxiety and I can feel a wave of nausea from the pit of my stomach which begs the question...

Is it worth it to go back? I have been in the UK for almost 2 months now. Riding on the bus the other day in the middle of rush hour, I was surprised how people were generally mellow, calm, and quiet. I remember coming home from work on BART where everyone in the same boat was either, frantic on the cellphone talking about work, stressed out, or generally apathetic, tired and miserable.

I asked FH if this was usual, and he said more or less. People here just don't give a shit. At the end of the day, they leave work at work. They don't talk about work when they are at home. Also, he doesn't think they have as much stake as Americans in losing their job. They don't have to worry about losing their health insurance because they are covered by the NHS. I experienced the NHS firsthand when I was in that motorcycle accident four days into being here. They were very thorough...did xrays, cat scans, lab tests, administered drugs. And at the end there was no bill at all, you just walk out. I was amazed. All the while I was worried at how I was going to pay for all this.

Also they have a great social welfare system. If they lose their job, whether it be laid off, quit, or fired, they still get a check. Nobody ends up homeless here. If you see a homeless person on the street it's because they want to be there because they have subsidised housing from the government (nobody is ever refused). Yes, you pay taxes up the ying yang but I wonder if it's all worth it, living a stress free life, well not completely stress free but less than Americans have to fret over.