Bittersweet Anticipation

Nine Days until I see my sweetie! I can't tell if I am excited, scared, happy, sad...I am feeling a whirlwind of emotions right now.

I was crying all night because I was missing him. May sound cheesey but my heart felt like it was about to explode thinking about him. How we laugh together until our sides hurt and can't breathe, running my fingers through his 'bear suit' (how I affectionately refer to him being a hairy guy), watching him sleep and looking at how cute his unusually big toe is, motorcycle rides and how at stoplights he reaches behind with his left hand to caress my calf, eating out and sneaking tastes off each other plates, the list goes on...

I love him fiercely and intensely but why so morose? If anything, I should be jumping for joy that I will see him VERY soon. Not just visit but live with him for a few months.

Why the tears and longing? It just doesn't make sense. Maybe I'm setting myself up for the impending heartbreak for when I leave which is always the way it ends when see each other.