Starting to Sink In...

I'm moving to another country with 12K in my pocket. I am restless and losing sleep. There are a lot of "what ifs" going through my mind. What if our relationship doesn't work out in the end? What if I'm flat broke? What if I get sick? What if...what if?

If "what ifs" prevented us from doing the things we wanted to do, then what's the point of living your life? Living in fear is a terrible way to live. What a waste of time thinking of what may or may not happen. Especially things that you have on control over and for the things that you think don't have control over, chances 10/10there is a solution. Just think there are other people who have a worse off and don't have this kind of opportunity extended to them. And here I am bitching and whining. I tend to magnify the negative too much. If I keep focusing on the negative it will get to Craig (he hates it when I'm like this) and will ultimately be the main cause of the downfall of our relationship. Just think a year and half of hardwork, tears, longing put into this relationship because of my irrational thoughts. It would be a damn shame because what we have so far is damn good.

What happened to the girl who spent a year living in Africa and travelling to Cuba?I have seemed to lost my sense of adventure and vigor for life somewhere in the midst of the daily mundane. Sitting in endless hours commuting on a bus to work and endless hours lost in a sea of cubicles. Doing what people expected me to do despite the fact in my soul and heart, I didn't want to do them. It just wasn't me.

Whatever happens at the end of this journey, good or bad, at least I'll look back and say that I lived my life the way I know I should. I hope it will shed insight into who I am and what I really want without outside influence. Maybe this journey will never end and it will be full of little discoveries along the way where I share my happiness, discoveries, trials, and tribulations with someone who I wholeheartedly love.