Monday, August 31, 2009

Looking for Jobs is Making Me Sick

I'm browsing through the job list and they totally uninspire me. It makes me want to cry. When I quit my job a year ago it was a blessing in disguise. I took this opportunity to travel abroad for a bit, test the strength of my relationship with Hop Along(my constant obsession with work was driving us apart). When I returned home, I decided to go back to school.

Now I'm here again looking for a part time job and sending in my resume and cover letters to various admin jobs. The thought of being chained to a desk is killing me. I really hate office work. My last office job was the last straw that almost broke me and I knew I had to change careers lest I will be an unhappy miserable sod like the rest of my coworkers. Working 12 hour days, being chained to my cubicle, office politics, abiding by inane rules, office calling home when sick or on vacation asking stupid questions, clients demanding impossible shit, surrounded by jaded people who always complain about work and are generally unhappy with their lives, people who don't know what they are doing and pretending they do, the paper pushing, the backstabbing, the stress over trivial shit like paperclips should be on the left side not the right side, didn't you get the memo? I have PTSD from it, I think.

I want to help people instead of help the bottom line or sell a product. I wouldn't mind 12 hour days or the politics, if I knew I was making a difference in someone's life. But I don't have enough education or training yet! :(

What's worse people are making me feel guilty for quitting my "stable" well paying job with amazing benefits to go back to school. Despite all this, it was a job that made me very depressed allowing my precious life to trickle away in puny little office, cry every morning before going to work and every afternoon in the bathroom, gave me back problems and high blood pressure, stress, panic attacks, and faint on subway platforms from exhaustion. They think with my ripe old age of 37 going back to school is futile. Does happiness not matter at all? Am I supposed to be doing something I hate with all my heart for the rest of my life?

6 comments:

Hop Along said...

We all know about your last job and how much it was shit. Now it is time to do something about it. Stop whinging and moaning and finding something to complain about. Get your head down, get the work done, and stop living in the past!

Pearl of the World said...

NO! You should never think you're "stuck" doing something you hate for the rest of your life, no matter what other people say. Sometimes you might have to stick with a job you hate when you really need to pay bills, etc., but it's just silly to waste precious months and years of your life in a bad mental state.

Anonymous said...

Brave of you that you quit your job in search for happiness. That takes a lot of courage. I bet in their minds they see what you're doing and wish they could do the same thing but are too afraid to make that jump.

It's never too late to go back to school!

DaviMack said...

Money is only money, and it's not worth much when it all comes down to it. We're dirt poor, and will probably stay that way forever ... but we'll have a good education and will be able to travel (i.e., get a teaching job in a country that pays for health care and retirement). So. Go for it!

Flippin' Yank said...

@HopAlong...Meh!

@Pearl of the World...You are so right!

@Anonymous...Thanks!

@DaviMack...Unfortunately, money is a necessary evil. :/

Hop Along said...

meh @ Me?lol

Behave yourself.

Don't have me telling these good people how that comment got up there