Where Have You Been???

Been up to nothing much. Spending as much time with my mother as I can. Her health is declining and it is painful to watch.

On the blogosphere, I've been escaping into perfume and writing about it. My collection of perfumes were just sitting there waiting to be sniffed so I decided to write reviews and post them on the internet. I've discovered that I love exploring the smelly side of life and it is helping me hone and improve my creative writing skills.

Check it out if you are interested in perfumes or smelly things for that matter. I would love to gather with like-minds.

My Scentiments Exactly! http://olfactoryobsessed.wordpress.com

It's My Mom's Birthday

I wished her happy birthday this morning. She's 79. I asked her what she wanted to do today and she said she just wants to stay in bed and watch tv. I think she is depressed because she is thinking this may be her last.

I don't know how to make this day pleasant for her, at least have her enjoy her day and have her forget about her cancer for once. She doesn't want to do anything.

Happy Birthday, Mom. I love you!

Good News Today!

My mom had her follow up MRI and the result show no new brain tumors. The brain tumors she had 3 months ago have shrunk. Her CT Scan shows tumor shrinkage in her lungs.

Oncologist will continue her chemo at a lower dose.

Happy, happy days!

My Mother Has Lung Cancer

The reason for my lack of posts. Been debating since April to post about my mother's diagnosis. She has Stage IV lung cancer. At first I was shocked and devastated. We didn't see it coming, it was like being hit with a mac truck. She never smoked in her entire life. She took good care of herself. Ate healthy, went to the gym. It was hard to comprehend and I was constantly asking the question, "Why her?".

So basically, if you have lungs, you can get lung cancer. And I hate the barrage of questions that people ask one of them being, "Did she smoke?". As if she deserved what was coming to her.

I am trying to be hopeful but reading the statistics don't help. In April, the doctor said without treatment she has 6 months to live, with treatment 14 months. I quit my job, I dropped out of school to spend the remaining time with my mother and to help her fight for her life. In a panic, I moved up my wedding from July 2012 to May 2011. I planned my wedding in 2 weeks. And I didn't care about matching napkins, or centerpieces, even my dress! I just wanted my mom to be there. Weddings are supposed to be the happiest day of your life marrying your best friend, but I wasn't the blissful bride knowing that this may be my last major life event my mom will attend. It was a bittersweet day but I'm glad my mom was well enough to participate and the look on her face while I was walking down the aisle was priceless. I'm glad I was able to give this gift to her. But the day was emotionally confusing for me.

She was in the hospital last week. It scared us. And the question in the back of my mind, will she come home? Luckily, she pulled through and did come home. We learned that her chemo is working and there is no progression of her cancer, just stable, no change. On the downside, the chemo is damaging her organs.

This is the thing about cancer. You are filled with uncertainty and waiting for the other shoe to drop. Hope for the best, expect the worst.

Cancer sucks. It has terrorized my family. My carefree, innocent days are over. I get to witness my mom in pain and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I never thought it was humanly possible to produce so many tears. My life has changed forever.