My Crazy Ass Schedule.

It's no surprise I woke up with a 101 fever this morning. I feel torn about calling in sick at work (it's only my third week) and I'm seriously debating whether to go to class today.

Ever since the semester started, I have been running my body ragged. My immune system is shot with the lack of sleep. I have a crazy ass schedule and I feel like there isn't enough time in the day to do anything. Even the basic necessities like brushing my teeth and eating is measured in increments. Here is my day, 5 days a week:

4:35 AM - Wake up and get ready
6:05 AM - Stand in line at the bus stop and freeze my ass off
6:29 AM - Run frantically through the BART station to catch the San Francisco Train.
6:35 to 7:35 AM - Study and do homework on the train
7:35 AM - Drag my heavy backpack up 3 large hills from the BART station to School
7:45 AM - Report for work and I am the first to arrive at the office
7:50 AM - Proceed to do various tasks assigned to me.
12:00 PM - Eat lunch at my desk and study
1:00 PM to 2:00PM - Head to the building next door where my first class is and sit in the hallway and do homework.
2:10 PM - My first math class
3:10 PM - My second math class
4:00 PM - Run across campus to the tram stop
4:20 PM - Catch the K tram to head to the gym
4:45 PM - Change into workout clothes
5:00 to 5:30 PM - Eat a light snack while studying lecture notes
5:30 PM - Yoga
6:30 PM - Zumba
7:30 PM - Change out of workout clothes
7:45 PM - Run to the tram stop to catch the train
8:05 PM- Run to catch the BART train
8:10 to 8:59 PM - Study and do homework
9:15 PM - Catch the bus
9:35 PM - Get picked up by Dad
9:50 PM - Home
10:00 PM - Prepare lunch for next day
10:20 PM - Eat dinner and watch t.v.
10:45 PM - Shower
11:00 PM - Email HopAlong and tell him I love him
11:02 PM to 12:00 AM - Study
12:00 AM - Sleep

See what I mean?

I GOT A J.O.B.!!!!

It's part time work on campus working for the Dean. Part time is all I can handle with 15 units this semester. 2 math classes, Chemistry, and C++...dog help me!

The people I'll be working for are nice and laid back. They even encourage me to study if there is downtime.

Now I can cross off GET A JOB off my 2011 list.

I Got My Career Assessment Results Back...

It says that I'm an Investigative, Social, and Artistic personality. I like to research theories related to people and help others develop their intellect through research and application of theory.

My top 5 areas of interest are:

1.Research
2.Medical Science
3.Social Science
4.Computer Hardware and Electronics
5.Culinary Arts

My top 10 strong occupations are:

1.Dietician
2.Forester
3.University Professor
4.Biologist
5.Computer Systems Analyst
6.Registered Nurse
7.Respiratory Therapist
8.Physician
9.Pharmacist
10.Speech Pathologist


Here's the funny thing, I've never taken any math or science courses in college (although I was very good at science when I was in high school). I got my degree in ethnomusicology and I worked for 10 years in marketing/fundraising, SALES happens to be the worst occupational fit for my personality, skills, and interests. No wonder I hated my job!

I found it interesting how my #1 occupation is a dietician since I love food, the healing properties of food, and food culture! LOL! I feel much more motivated now that I have an idea where my future is headed. I think a lot of my anxiety stems from fear of the unknown and I felt like I was spinning my wheels but I wasn't going anywhere in my career search. So if you are in the same boat as me and want to change careers or want to figure out what to do with your life, I highly recommend meeting with a career counselor. It's their job to help guide you in the right direction. They will help assess your skills and passions, and figure out which occupation is the best fit for you.

I meet with my career counselor this week to discuss my results and the next steps. I better get started on studying for my math placement test. Oi vey, it's been more than 10 years since I've taken a math course. How do you simplify an algebraic expression? What's the quadratic formula again?

Looking for Jobs is Making Me Sick

I'm browsing through the job list and they totally uninspire me. It makes me want to cry. When I quit my job a year ago it was a blessing in disguise. I took this opportunity to travel abroad for a bit, test the strength of my relationship with Hop Along(my constant obsession with work was driving us apart). When I returned home, I decided to go back to school.

Now I'm here again looking for a part time job and sending in my resume and cover letters to various admin jobs. The thought of being chained to a desk is killing me. I really hate office work. My last office job was the last straw that almost broke me and I knew I had to change careers lest I will be an unhappy miserable sod like the rest of my coworkers. Working 12 hour days, being chained to my cubicle, office politics, abiding by inane rules, office calling home when sick or on vacation asking stupid questions, clients demanding impossible shit, surrounded by jaded people who always complain about work and are generally unhappy with their lives, people who don't know what they are doing and pretending they do, the paper pushing, the backstabbing, the stress over trivial shit like paperclips should be on the left side not the right side, didn't you get the memo? I have PTSD from it, I think.

I want to help people instead of help the bottom line or sell a product. I wouldn't mind 12 hour days or the politics, if I knew I was making a difference in someone's life. But I don't have enough education or training yet! :(

What's worse people are making me feel guilty for quitting my "stable" well paying job with amazing benefits to go back to school. Despite all this, it was a job that made me very depressed allowing my precious life to trickle away in puny little office, cry every morning before going to work and every afternoon in the bathroom, gave me back problems and high blood pressure, stress, panic attacks, and faint on subway platforms from exhaustion. They think with my ripe old age of 37 going back to school is futile. Does happiness not matter at all? Am I supposed to be doing something I hate with all my heart for the rest of my life?

My New Hat

I bought a new kangol cap and decided to wear it into work today. As a result, I was the laughing stock of the whole warehouse. They started making French noises and asking me where my onions were.

All throughout the day, people taking the piss:

"Get that off da fuck!"

"For fuck sake take that off! You look like an extra from a Michael Collins movie."

What's the problem? It's just a hat and I like to wear it. Why is this anyone's business? This is what bothers me about people here. They think I'm interested in their unintelligent comments which is typical of Northern Irish people.

They seem to have this inferiority complex and when they see someone doing something that they actually wish they had the balls to do, but because they have no mind of their own and worry what people will say, they attack them and ridicule them. If I see someone wearing something that I don't like or I think looks stupid, I keep my opinion to myself. They're not bothering me by wearing it and it's up to them what they wear.

God forbid you're caught wearing sunglasses after the sun has gone behind a cloud for a few minutes. Oh that's not allowed at all. You're obviously trying to look cool and there's always someone close at hand to hit you with a snide remark like, "I hope we get the weather you're expecting" or "fuck sake take those off it's not even warm".

Do they realize how stupid they sound?

You just can't be different here. It's not allowed. The 'Conform Police' are everywhere and they do a great job of keeping everyone 'normal'. In a way, this attitude does serve a purpose for me. It points out clearly who are the open-minded- think-for-yourself-kind-of-people and who are the small-minded-afraid-to-step-outside-the-'normal'-box-and-actually-be-themselves.

“Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another.” -Madonna Louise Ciccone Ritchie