Saturday, May 2, 2009

3 Reasons My Fiance is the Weirdest Man in Northern Ireland

1) He loathes football (that is soccer to you yanks). He could give a rat's ass. This is unheard of. You're not regarded as a man in Northern Ireland if you're not into football. He thinks its crap the way people revolve their lives around the sport. He's bored to death of hearing it talked about day in and day out at work. And I mean that is ALL men talk about around here. I don't blame him. Rooting for a team here isn't like rooting for the Chicago Bears. A football team here represents your identity and reason for existence (or lack thereof). Here it's taken to another level because it's sectarian and people have been killed over football matches. Celtic = Taigs. Rangers = Orange Bastards. Craig thinks it's futile so he watches the MotoGP instead.

2) For an Irishman, he sure doesn't drink that much. I mean if you give him a 4 pack of Guinness, he can drink all 4 no problem and when we're at a pub he can down some pints one after the other without falling over pissed drunk(sometimes). But this is like once every two months, not every. single. weekend. like a lot of the guys do here. The only time I saw him pissed was when he broke his ankle and I gave him shit for it. After that, never again!

How much you drink and how drunk you get (like passed out in the kitchen type drunk) is a measure of how good a time you had that night.

3) He has a face mask on as I type. No, not a balaklava! I've never known a man who pays extra good care of his skin than he does. Don't get me started on the shaving. He disappears in the blackhole that is the bathroom and I'm not to disturb his sacred time. And he insists he do it the old fashioned way, with a real blade and a badger brush. AND it must be from The Art of Shaving! This I don't mind so much because his face is as smooth as a baby's butt. Yummy!


Alan said...

1. He should follow rugby, nobody cares about religion.
2. He should drink more.
3. He should definitely have stopped you from outing him on the internet (face pack man)

Anonymous said...

We'll see who looks better in another 30 years Alan fella :P